Chapter 2 - Broadening Perspectives

Q1. What do you think makes one an effective communicator?

A1. A belief in the outcome. I think need to conceive 'there' first before you go 'there'. Steven Covey - Everything is created twice, first in the mind and then in the world.

You have to operate on their map of the world. That's the where the 'effect' will take place if you are effective.

In order to do that, you must change only what they experience, by jumping into it, owning it together.

Q2. What is your belief system about why people do the things they do? How do your beliefs both help and hurt your ability to interact with others?

A2. I believe people have learned a set number of games which give them the 'right' number of strokes to keep them where they feel comfortable or reflective of who they believe they deserve to be? If they see themselves as helpless they will seek to play games with those who like to attack them as a victim. The effectively live the script of a game.

One line suggests the next move in the game. I sincerely believe most people do their best. Unconscious decisions made a long time ago, that they are not OK, lead them to live their lives in the shadow of others in the 'play.' They feel they can only play certain parts. They only know the script for certain parts.

I also believe the mind needs a program or script to run, if its not given one it will search for one, using what available and fill in the gaps.

Therefore....

This helps my ability to interact others as i can sometimes assess which script is being used. I see actions taken as phenomena, and can keep 'distance' in most cases. I have the choice to give people, even those who display threatening behaviour or give negative stroke plays, the benefit of the doubt and see things from their point of view. It gives me choice. it gives me hope.

It hurts my ability to interact with people, because within their scripts, i often buy into the role I am assigned by suggestion.

Q3. How do you sense what a person is capable of doing? For example, how do you decide that someone is trustworthy?

A3. I don't think you can sense it. the most charismatic and dangerous people can be one and the same. It only takes a switch of the script to change everything. Trust can stem from integrity. they say what is going to happen, they do it or it happens, that can build trust. That is a process. You cannot tell from the outset. Others may make assessments on appearance or experience. I feel reassured by the smooth voice of a person, but trust cannot be assigned to that the feeling of safety can.

Q4. What is your definition of "rapport"? How do you know when you have rapport with someone?

A4. I sometimes sense the energy. I feel, I hear the words of another and predict what the probable word choices are, when they chose other non threatening words, with every such action a gift or offering is made to the interaction. There is a love between you. You exist in the same current experience together and live it in similar ways. It feels as if they respect their own pattern, that they run from their minds, you digest that and process the detail of the respect.

Q5. Why do definition of abstract terms, such as "love," differ so much from person to person? What are the implications for effective communications?

A5. Abstract term differ from person to person, I suppose that the more people there are in the room the more versions of love there are. An abstract term causes people to go 'inside' to find a meaning.

If you want to have them follow, don't use too many abstract words. Keep it sensory and clear.